But by understanding the underlying causes of rejection and learning to separate your own feelings from the situation, you can start to better process this experience and even use it to your advantage.
Rejection hurts—and it’s not just a figure of speech. Studies have found that it causes activity in the same brain regions as physical pain. Many languages use terms like crushed or broken-hearted to describe the feeling. But why does rejection trigger such a strong response, and is there a way to cope with it?
Psychologists believe that rejection is what happens when we perceive that others don’t value having social connections with us. It could be when we’re abandoned by a romantic partner, excluded from a group, or discriminated against. But there is a social element to these kinds of rejections that distinguishes them from not getting a job. We perceive that the rejecting party undervalues our relationship.
Though the pain of rejection often increases the more we value a relationship, even rejections by relative strangers can still hurt. This might seem like an overreaction, but it’s actually a warning system that may have developed in our prehistoric ancestors who lived in small clans and depended on everyone they knew for survival.
When feeling rejected, it can be helpful to consider your relationship with the person rejecting you, ask yourself if the rejection really matters, and reflect on your self-view. You may also want to consider if you were expecting more acceptance than was reasonable.
Remember that rejection isn’t just about you and it doesn’t necessarily mean there’s something wrong with you. By understanding the underlying causes of rejection and learning to separate your own feelings from the situation, you can start to better process this experience and even use it to your advantage. No matter what, it is essential to remember that you are not alone in this. Rejection is something that everyone goes through, even those who appear to be at ease with their place in the world. One of the most prevalent ways of managing this shared experience is to reconnect with people who already accept you.