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Studying American culture today, you might conclude that the children are in danger. It is on your side this week looking at the most dangerous things impacting our children: we’re in the midst of a full-on moral panic the likes of which hasn’t been seen since your mom warned you about creepy men in white vans. For their part, Vice credits this to the mainstreaming of QAnon, i.e. the decentralized conspiracy group that believes things like, uh, like Hillary Clinton pours kids’ blood over her Fruit Loops. Vice notes that in recent months, QAnon talking points have been increasingly adopted by mainstream news, especially as it pertains to threats against children. According to reporter David Gilbert’s investigation, in a single month during 2022, Fox News ran 51 hour segments discussing pedophilia and sex offenders.

It’s not just the media cashing in on this moral panic. Florida Governor Ron DeSantis made headlines when he signed a bill into law that forbids teachers from discussing or even answering questions about sexual orientation or gender identity. Because of that, if you’re a student in Florida, just ask any questions you have about sexual orientation or gender identity in the comments and we gotcha. DeSantis can’t stop us.

Known as the “Don’t Say Gay” law, this legislation has been widely criticized as have companies who donated to politicians that supported it. We’re not going to say any names here, but what’s up Mr. Disney? We talk about this in our recent video on book banning, but the thing is a lot of this all has to do with what’s being taught in school. The conversation that has gotten so wildly charged that the FBI has started tracking threats to school board members. And we’re happy that the FBI is protecting school board members rather than doing things like, I don’t know, trying to get Martin Luther King Jr. to kill himself. I think they really did look it up.

But what do violent scenes at school board meetings over mask mandates and MLK Junior books, the uptick in groomer discourse on Fox News, and the recent clashes at drag story hours all have in common? You guessed it: kids. Oh, and also lives of TikTok. They definitely have all that in common.

See, children are at the root of these contentious baits with politicians on both sides appealing to the innocence of children and their needs to be protected by more robust public policy. But political discourse centered around children is nothing new, nor is politicians using children to emotionally appeal to voters. So what is it about children that makes for such persuasive political talking points? And is this discourse actually productive, i.e. is it making children safer? And when politicians appeal to childhood innocence, is it really just emotional manipulation? Let’s find out in this Wisecrack Edition when kids become political tools.

But before we get into it, I wanted to take a second and tell you about our stream. It’s called Wisecrack Live and it happens every Thursday at 11am Pacific. It’s hosted by me and I’d love it if you would join us. We dive deep into everything going on in Internet culture, we watch stuff, we talk about stuff, and we have a hell of a time in the chat. So join us Thursday 11am Pacific on Wisecrack Live, and if you want to check out old episodes first, you just click the live tab on our page and you can watch them there. And even though the chat won’t be live, you can act like it is. Maybe that could be fun too.

But now back to the show. To understand the political discourse about childhood today, it helps to take a look back at how politicians have used children to their benefit in the past. The most well-known political use of children is that disgustingly germy habit of kissing babies. The earliest recorded examples of the now cliche campaign trail staple occurred when notable douchebag President Andrew Jackson was approached by a poor woman with a small child while visiting Princeton. Jackson took the child from her arms, proclaimed him a fine specimen of American childhood, presented him to the crowd, and then kissed him on the forehead.