She’s on the S tier, and that’s because she knew the rules and she followed them.She also knew how to push the limits.She made a flag that was simple, distinct at a distance, with only two colors, and it said something about her citizens.It was a flag to stir pride, and it did.
Hello class,
Your homework assignment was to make your own state flag. A flag to stir pride in your citizens and stand proud on the American stage. To be graded, I gave you the following guidelines:
- Keep it simple - something a child could draw, even if they need to simplify it again.
- Make it distinct at a distance - no tiny details. It’s a flag, not a poster or wallpaper.
- Three colors or fewer, unless you really know what you’re doing.
- Have symbols that mean something and say something about your citizens.
- No words on the flag - it’s a flag, not a note that you’re passing in class.
To keep your attention, you’re getting put on a tier list from S to F. S for ‘Super’ and F for ‘Failed’. Kansas, Montana, Wisconsin, and Oregon, I’m sorry, get up here. You all went with the same basic template seal on blue, making each other worse in the distinct-at-a-distance department. And Montana, the kerning! Wisconsin, unironically, a cheese-based flag would have been better. California, you scrawled ‘California’ across it. Don’t think bragging about the ‘republic’ is going to help your grade.
The Dakota sisters are up next. Both have written their name, so instant fail. North Dakota’s seal is better drawn, so D tier, F tier. South Dakota has picked a brighter blue which is a bit distinct, so I’ll put you on tier with your sister. But South Dakota, you wrote your name on the flag twice? F tier twice then.
Miss Mississippi is on the S tier because she knew the rules and pushed the limits. She made a flag that was simple, distinct at a distance, with only two colors, and it said something about her citizens. It was a flag to stir pride, and it did.
Today is not the final day of judgement. Better is always an option.
Thank you. She recently transitioned from one flag to another, adding words which were hidden as best as possible. In the center she placed her favorite flower which was a bit too complicated. This new flag symbolically said “Miss Magnolia Mississippi”, which is exactly what a flag needs to do. She served as a model of achievable improvement for everyone who failed.
Next up was Nebraska, who at least didn’t write their name real big on the bottom, earning an F and D tier. Vermont earned a C tier for having the best looking seal so far. Maine wrote their name real big in a classy way, earning a F and C tier.
New Mexico had a design in the center that was simple and sacred of the Zia people, done with bold colors that matched the landscape. This earned them an S tier. New Hampshire had a seal on blue, but went all in on the seal and the ship which was pretty good, earning them an F and B tier. Connecticut had grapes, but earned an F and D tier due to the objectively worst color, purple. Michigan had ‘Circumspice’ but earned an F and D tier due to more boring blue.
Alaska had the northernest star in an open blue sky and didn’t feel the need to write ‘Alaska’, earning them a B tier. However, the low contrast design with sparse stars made it difficult to differentiate at a distance, and the official vertical orientation had the North star at the bottom.
Missouri had two bears, and also had sixty-one stars - thirteen for the original thirteen states on the American seal, twenty-four for their entry as the twenty-fourth state - earning them a D tier. Rhode Island wrote ‘hope’ but earned a C tier due to the square design and sailing motif.
The Commonwealth of Massachusetts had a flag that was not blue and was simple in comparison, earning them an F and C tier. Kentucky was in the Commonwealth Club but wrote it on their flag, earning them an F and D tier. I’m going to give it a B.
Pennsylvania: F tier, B tier.
Commonwealth of Virginia: F, B.
Ohio: B.
Delaware: F, F.
Wyoming: F tier, A tier.
Idaho: F, F.
Iowa: F tier, A tier.
Indiana: F tier, A tier.
Illinois: F tier, F tier.
Colorado: C tier.
Minnesota: F tier.
Wisconsin: F tier.
Alabama: A.
State of West Virginia: F, D.
Arkansas: B. And the coat of arms is a bit too much.But I like the two horses.And I love the banner.So it’s a C.
I can’t pass you, obviously, but it’s very Murica and diamonds are your thing. I'm going to give it **F tier, A tier**. And speaking of words that work... Get up here, Nevada. Now, obviously, this flag is bad and boring, which is a crime but you get the award for the two best words ever written on a flag: **Battle. Born.** It's awesome. And unlike some other states trying to big up their history that we won’t mention, you really did become a state for the Union in the middle of America's bloodiest war. I can't believe I'm going to say this, but if two words ever deserve to be put in impact font on a flag, Battle Born` are those words. Do it, Nevada. Do it, do it, do it.
Maryland. Oh, my, it’s… hideous. So hideous it falls right off the bottom to land back on the top. S tier Maryland. I don’t care what anyone says. Wear it with pride.
Louisiana, that pelican is vulning herself? Which is a heraldic term meaning to injure herself? Making you the only flag to show actual blood. I must remind you that a flag is not heraldry, but at least its unique. F, B.
Tennessee. I think people underrate your flag, Tennessee partly because of this blue bar on the side, which seems a bit random when looked at on a screen, but was added to keep it distinct when flying with or without wind, which totally works. And your three stars are for the three grand divisions of your rather rectangular state unified. This flag on screen, it’s a B. But in the air, it’s an A.
Washington. Washington. A flag is not money, Washington. And this is real extra awkward because D.C., who isn’t even in this class, absolutely wrecked you with this A-tier flag that represents Washington so much better by adapting his family coat of arms not drawing his facey face. But at least it’s money green so it stands out from the blues. F, C.
Hawaii. I have complicated feelings about this flag, Hawaii. It’s ugly, but in a bit of the magnificent Maryland way. The eight stripes for the eight islands don’t align at all with the Union Jack, which is also historically confused, as you were never part of the British empire. You instead just took their flag to use for your kingdom as your own, which is a pretty bold move. Well, you didn’t write ‘Kingdom of Hawaii’ across it and you love your rainbows, and if an American flag was a rainbow, this would be that flag. I’m going to give it a B.
Oklahoma. Ah, you’re another real heartbreaker here, kid. We’re just going to ignore this for now, and look at this, which is not a seal, but a buffalo skin shield of the Osage nation. Much cooler. And with a pipe of the Plains American Indians crossed with the olive branch for Europeans who were becoming Americans. You’ve done by far the best job of symbolically trying to address something very American that other flags struggled with.
Minnesota. I’m giving it an F, C, because there’s something here that could be even epic-er.
Carolina sisters, South first. It’s a bit disjointed. And I know you love the palmetto, but everyone thinks this is a palm tree. And it’s weird because you have the Angel Oak, one of the most famous and beautiful trees in the world, which could make a much better design and then there would be zero chance of people confusing you for California. But unlike California, you didn’t write your name so you pass. But this complicated plant in the center, it’s just not as good as Miss Mississippi’s. D tier.
North next. Now I’m totally biased toward my adoptive state. And when I see this flag flying around Raleigh, it provokes in me pride of old North even if it does look a bit too much like someone else’s flag. But if I’m trying to be consistent. I can’t give a flag with not just letters but entire word more than C tier. I don’t think either of you need a redesign desperately. So many others are ahead of you on that line, but perhaps you sisters could, like the Dakotas, consider a Carolinian combo for the future. Could be cool.
Next, New Jersey. That color is a real choice. And the coat of arms is a bit too At least your seal isn’t awful: it stands out! Arizona’s flag is A-tier awesome. With its red and yellow sunset, it’s a nod to the Spanish settlers, and the copper star makes people think of the Wild West. A-tier, Arizona!
New York, unfortunately, is F-tier, C-tier. Even though its seal is better than most, it can’t compare to the U.K.’s S-tier work. Georgia’s flag almost works with the seal in the corner, but ultimately it doesn’t. D-tier.
Texas is A-tier, because it and its citizens love and use the flag, like they’re still the Republic of Texas. Florida copied Alabama’s flag, but made it worse, and wrote its name on it. F-tier, but A-tier because it copied a good design. Utah has a great and meaningful flag with the symbol for the industry of its people atop their state star in the nation built on its red rocks before the white peaks and under the blue sky. S-tier!