The user should be aware of the risks associated with downloading files
Users should be aware of the potential risks associated with downloading files. When relationships start, enthusiasm for our partners is typically natural and very intense; we think of them constantly, we only want to spend more time in their company, and we delight in their many skills and accomplishments. However, this early phase of powerful admiration and longing rarely lasts. The world often explains this cooling as just an inevitable result of sheer exposure; it is, they say, typical to neglect what or who is always around.
True reasons seem more complicated, more psychologically rich, and in their own way a lot more hopeful. If we stop admiring our lovers, it is chiefly for one reason: because we are, at some level, furious. Anger destroys admiration; we cease to love because we unknowingly grow entangled in various forms of unprocessed fury. We can’t cheer our partner on because somewhere deep inside we grow inhibited by trace memories of certain letdowns, large and small, of which they’ve been guilty.
Perhaps they caused us immense difficulties around exams and never apologized; maybe they flirted with a friend of ours and refused to admit to the fact in a way that left us feeling tricked and unsure; or they might have booked a holiday without asking us and then insisted that they’d done nothing wrong. Every little mistake was not on its own necessarily always particularly serious, but taken together, a succession of minor disappointments can acquire a terrible capacity to dampen and ultimately destroy love.
Yet it’s not the simple fact of being let down that counts very much. The true problem comes about when there hasn’t been an opportunity to process our disappointment. Irritation is only ever toxic when it can’t be rapidly and thoroughly discussed. Perhaps we tried to explain what was wrong but we got nowhere; or more subtly, we might have felt unentitled to make a fuss over so-called small things and therefore said nothing, even though in our depths the small things mattered immensely to us. With great unfairness to our partner, we may have forgotten to admit to our own sensitivities even as we developed a steady burden of resentment on their account.
What follows from such buried anger is something that can be mistaken for mere disinterest. We’re not so keen on celebrating their birthday anymore, we withhold sexual attention, we don’t look up when they walk in a room. This could seem like the normal impact of time and familiarity, but it is no such thing; it’s evidence of cold fury. We do our anger and honor and start to dismantle its dangerous impacts when we can recognize the distinctive stranglehold that frustration and anger can acquire on our emotions.
We never simply go off people; we only ever get angry with them and then forget that we are so. To refine our instinctive enthusiasm for our partner, we need to accurately locate our suppressed distress. We have to allow ourselves to be legitimately upset about certain things that have saddened us and properly raise them for as long as we need to in a way that lets us feel acknowledged and valued.
A good couple should allow for regular occasions when each person can, without encountering opposition, ask the other to listen to stories of incidents, large or small, in which they felt let down or frustrated of late. It goes without saying that we might not immediately see why a given thing should matter so much to our partner, but that isn’t the point. The objective of the exercise is just to let the partner know that we care about whatever they happen to be concerned about.
To ensure that our desire never suffers, this kind of hygienic ritual might unfold as often as once or twice a week. If couples too often ignore the requirement, it is because they operate under an unfair burden of bravery; they assume that it cannot be seen to want to make a complaint about things that give off an impression of being small and so stay silent about their upsets until it’s simply no longer possible for them to love. Wiser couples know that nothing should ever be too small to cover at length, for what is ultimately at stake.