from another
No animal except humans can hate themselves, and this tendency to self-hatred is both destructive and undermines our efforts to build workable relationships. It is impossible to let someone else love us if we are obsessed by the thought of our own loathsome natures. If someone does try to be kind to us, we will have to despise them, as we do not think highly of ourselves. A good relationship requires a degree of self-love, which is usually built up in childhood. Without enough self-love, love from another person will always feel misguided and we will reject it. The adult process of recovery involves understanding that we have absorbed unduly harsh ideas about ourselves, and imagining how a kind lover could help us in the future. Self-love should not be predicated on the idea that we must be extraordinary, but rather on the recognition that being imperfect is entirely normal. True self-love is the compassion of the fallen for the fallen, and allows us to endure kindness from another.